Monday, December 01, 2008

Update IV

At last I can read emails without this machine shutting down.
First caused by my ancient router, then a dying fan and finally some unknown perversity announcing every two minutes that "Microsoft has encountered a problem and must close." At times, the primitive part of my brain gibbered at that statement as representing a prophecy, paralled.
He is still in intensive care, still in isolation, still tied to a ventilator, but he is stronger. I believe that out of the miasma of pain, drugged dreams and debility he has found himself again and with that identity, the will to fight.
I begin to hope that I may bring him home.
I come home from the hospital each day exhausted. Many of you will understand that, for many of you also have stood by a hospital bed holding some dear one's feeble hand and tried to pour through it every bit of energy and life force that you could.
It's a good thing that I have no deadlines at present. They would be met but the product would be abysmal.
I have missed you. Have missed the daily visits to your blogs, the companionship and exhilaration of your thoughts and ideas, and the warmth of your personalities.
Thank you again and again for your kind thoughts, good wishes. and prayers. They are as hearthfire on a bitter night.

49 comments:

haunted author said...

Bernita- I have indeed held a loved ones hand at the hospital- and endured the day in and out of a loved ones illness at a hospital. It is physically demanding not to mention emotionally, mentally etc etc. You are your husband are sooooo in my thoughts and prayers.

Please take care of yourself- its difficult, I know. I hope your husband continues to improve and, will soon get to go home. That would be such a great Christmas gift for you.

laughingwolf said...

great and positive news, bernita!

computer and visiting problems can take a back seat til you have gotten better yourself

lost mom to alzheimer's, sis to cancer, and dad to congestive heart failure, so yeah, know what you're dealing with

blessings to both for speedy recoveries

Robyn said...

Wonderful news. We hope with you that he may come home soon.

StarvingWriteNow said...

Still keeping my fingers crossed... this news is encouraging! We'll keep cheerleading for you in Ohio!

moonrat said...

Bernita, it's so good to hear from you. We're all sending our good energy to help you supplement your own.

archer said...

Been there. I'm glad for the good news. You know what I found really helps a lot? Soup. Really big bowls of soup, especially the Thai kind with lots of noodles and shellfish and other good things in it, and company.

Lisa said...

Thinking of you. xo

spyscribbler said...

I think of you daily! I miss you, and I've got my fingers crossed, candles lit, and healing thoughts for your husband. I hope you see him home soon!

*hugs*

Charles Gramlich said...

I'm very glad he is growing stronger. Once his will reasserts itself then the true battle is joined and he has the strength to meet it. I know you must be totally exhausted. Do try and take a few moments for yourself.

continued well wishes to you both.

Bernita said...

Thank you, Haunted. Christmas seems very far away at the moment, but - we hope.

You understand the abiding fear, Lw.I knew you would.

Determination, if he can sustain it, Robyn, will make the difference.

It's been two steps forward and one step back, SWN, but that's still a gain.

Bless you, MoonDear. It helps.

That's good advice, Archer. Thai food is good!!

Thank you, Lisa. Thank you all.So. Much.

Sweet Natasha, you make me cry.

Bernita said...

Thank you, Charles. He is making progress toward breathing on his own.

BernardL said...

Holding a loved one's hand in an intensive care ward; and trying to find some way to transfuse your own strength into them is an all encompassing task. Thank you for the update. I pray for continued improvement.

raine said...

Know the feeling well, Bernita. Just recently lost my mom.
You must be drained.

I think you get a sense of when they're coming out of the fog, and sounds like he's on his way.
Sending hugs and prayers for rapid recovery, and please take care of yourself.
We miss you.

Carla said...

My best wishes for both of you.

Scott from Oregon said...

I am so very sorry to hear of your difficult times.

I'll light a bonfire and waft some Oregon love in your direction.

(Look for coughing geese...)

Scott--

Ric said...

Goodness! What an ordeal! You certainly have my sympathy and best wishes.

Hope can be a fickle thing, waking each day alone, then trekking to hospital, seeking any sign of recovery and, seeing it, renewing your soul. Then having to repeat it day after day.

Yet, of all my friends, I know you have the stamina to pull through. Keep a strong heart, fed by a stronger love, and know we're all pulling for him and, especially, you.

Dave F. said...

for many of you also have stood by a hospital bed holding some dear one's feeble hand and tried to pour through it every bit of energy and life force that you could

I've done that, but I never knew a situation to be hopeless... You are in my prayers. I hope you bring him home soon and in good health.

writtenwyrdd said...

So glad things are looking better, if still bleak. And DO take care of yourself as well, lady. I know the temptation is to run yourself ragged!

ChrisEldin said...

This is very positive news, Bernita. Hugs to all of you, and I'll keep you in my prayers.

Lana Gramlich said...

You don't worry about us, hon. You worry about you & yours. I'm glad to hear that your husband's a bit stronger. Still putting out best wishes for a quick recovery. Please take care of yourself & let us know if there's anything we can do.

bunnygirl said...

I'm so glad your husband is getting better and so sad that it's such a long and difficult road. Hang in there and remember to do something nice for yourself. You must sustain yourself in order to sustain him.

Barbara Martin said...

Bernita, I've been in both places: as a patient and holding a loved one's hand.

You really need to take care of yourself as this can be an exceptionally trying time. I have been sending my blessings to you and your husband regularly, and now this bit of news is so inspiring.

Angie said...

More good wishes -- all you need, hon. [hugz] And take care of yourself, too.

I'm so glad he's getting better, and hope the trend continues. {{{}}}

Angie

December/Stacia said...

(This is what I get for not popping in yesterday; I missed this post!)

You know my feelings, Bernita. Sending you as much strength and bright energy and love as I can possibly muster.

Bernita said...

Bernard, it must work. I know it must work - because across cyberspace, reading your messages, I have felt that warmth from all of you, felt your invisible hands and hugs, lifting me up.

Oh Raine, Dear Heart. Your wonderful mother...and me not here to send you my love and support.I am so sorry.I mourn with you.

Thank you, Carla.

"coughing geese...???"
~laughing~
Scott, you sweetheart, I'll watch for them!

Dearest Ric...

Dave, your sympathy means so much to me.

Thank you, Written. I'm tough as an old boot but your messages and concern have helped with shoe repair!

Dear Chris...thank you. So sorry I missed Moonfest.

Knowing you are there, Lana, your human kindness and your generous heart...

Thank you, Bunny. I should confess that I've been pigging out on egg rolls some evenings...Now I'm sick of them and will have to find a new treat to indulge in accordance with your good advice!

I do have hope now, Barbara. Thank you.I am convinced that good wishes work.

Angie, you are well named, Dear Angel.

freddie said...

Glad to hear he's fighting the good fight. You're in my thoughts.

Shauna Roberts said...

I'm relieved to hear he has turned the corner and begun the arduous journey back. Please take time to rest, for both your sakes.

Vesper said...

You will bring him home in good health, Bernita, I'm sure of that. I'm sending both of you my best thoughts and my best wishes.

I miss you very much. Take good care of yourself too.

Sarah Hina said...

A breath of relief that things are a little better, Bernita. And yet I know those see-sawing steps have taken a dear toll on you. I hope you can hold on a little longer.

You are, of course, deeply missed. And I know we'd all like to give you a huge, cyber-family hug!

All my best wishes still.

Chumplet - Sandra Cormier said...

Oh, Sweetheart! I'm so glad you were able to reach out to us with your feeble computer. I wish we were closer and could help you fix the darn thing.

I'm glad things are improving -- you'll be home with your hubby in no time.

I missed you so.

Bernita said...

December, there aren't sufficient words to say how glad I am to know you are there. Bless your generous, loving heart!

So kind of you, Freddie. Thank you.

Sleep comes hard some nights, Shauna, but I believe he has indeed turned the corner.

Vesper, thank you so much for that certainty. I have missed you too and the special lyric beauty of your thoughts.

Sarah, it's truly a roller-coaster of hope and fear, but when I think of what he has/is enduring - machine tied - I feel ashamed of my bouts of weakness and despair.

Sandra, thank you. One of the few bright spots during these past months was receiving your book, Bad Ice. It was a great read and took me away from my worries for an evening. Your villainess was acutely and realistically drawn (so were your heroine and hero - though I wanted to kick your hero at times!)
Some day, if the fates are kind, we'll meet and I can give you a real hug of affection and gratitude!

jason evans said...

We've missed you too. And think of you often.

Chumplet - Sandra Cormier said...

Ah, Jason was TSTL for a while there, but he came through in the end.

As far as meeting in person - I'll hold you to that, Bernita. A hug from you would be especially healing for us both.

Suzanne Perazzini said...

Continued best wishes for the speedy recovery of your husband. I went through something similar recently with my dear father so you have all my sympathy.

Rick said...

So good to hear from you, especially with a whiff of good news.

Demon Hunter said...

We miss you too, Bernita. I pray that the next update will include you taking your husband home. We love ya! :-D

LadyBronco said...

Bernita ~

I too have held the hand of my husband as he fought for his life in a hospital bed.

Your strength will help him, so make sure you take care of yourself, okay? Make sure you eat, get some sleep, and take quick moments here and there to get the heck away from the hospital. It will feel like you are abandoning him, but in the end it will do a world of good for you both.

My prayers are with you both.

J. L. Krueger said...

Berita,

You continue to be in my thoughts. These long silences in between had me worried.

Take care of yourself. I hope you get your wish soon.

Whirlochre said...

It's a slow and arduous climb you're both — all — having, but as long as the direction you're headed in remains upwards, each step brings you closer to home.

Best wishes, and as others have said, don't skrimp on looking after your self.

laughingwolf said...

bundle up against the coming winter onslaught... blessings to both

cindy said...

keeping you and yours in my thoughts, b. *hugs*

Steve Malley said...

Glad to hear he's doing better. My prayers are with you.

Ello said...

Bernita - I am thinking and praying for you and your husband that he is home with you soon. Take care of yourself and wishing you and your family all the best.

Virginia Lady said...

I wish you both the best. It's never easy when someone is ill, but make sure you take care of yourself along the way.

Beth Partin said...

Bernita,

so glad you're back. May your husband increase in strength and health, and may you be able to bring him home soon.

laughingwolf said...

season's blessings to you and yours, m'dear....

Vesper said...

Bernita, I hope that Christmas comes with better health and peace in your house. Merry Christmas and all the blessings to you and your loved ones.

December/Stacia said...

Thinking of you, Bernita, and hoping all is well. {{hugs}}

Chumplet - Sandra Cormier said...

Have a peaceful and healing Christmas, dear Bernita.