Monday, March 31, 2008

Nude Dudes


Statuette of Girl,
Dynasty XVIII, Amunhotep III (c.1390-1353 B.C.)
painted ivory, provenance unknown,
Brooklyn Museum of Art.
From a postcard book produced by Pomegranate Communications, Inc.

Usually, naked calendars are created to raise funds for charity.

Last week read of one designed to raise money to fix deep pot-holes in a local road and to shame the Transportation authorities at the same time.

Think it was in Saskachewan -- that province of Canada where you can watch your dog run away from home all day.

Pictures included a shot of a naked guy in a canoe in one pot-hole as well as other cute stuff.

Made me wonder.

Has there ever been a naked author calendar?

Every now and then, writers and readers are asked to donate to some worthy cause or the other: Literacy. New Orleans. Someone's house burns down. Proceeds from sales donated to women's shelters, breast cancer research, etc.

A naked author calendar might outstrip those initatives.

After all, we bare our souls. Our asses are on the line all the time.

Before you say butt, butt, let me remind you that glamour is not a requirement. Humour, however, is a necessity.


BTW, to go along with the paperabilia theme, do you have writerly business cards?
Perhaps ones with a clever, succinct line about your style/brand and genre?
Have always liked Jaye Wells' phrase "crypt lit."

A few weeks ago, PBW suggested creating trading cards for your characters as a fun promotional effort. Probably work best if one had a successful series or two on the go, but a neat idea.


My lawn this morning under a cold rain is a grimy battlefield of tree bones and the rusty scattered armour of old leaves.

52 comments:

StarvingWriteNow said...

I'd get it as long as they posed with some artfully placed books.

We've talked about doing a photoshoot at our library where everyone has a tattoo, like "Read Or Die", "I Love Books", etc. Think it would fly?

Bernita said...

Always something artfully placed, WriteNow. A book is perfect.
Why not? That sounds cute'n fun.

James Goodman-Horror Writer said...

lol, I could get on board with such a calendar as long as they proceeds were going to a good cause. :D

BernardL said...

'Think it was in Saskachewan -- that province of Canada where you can watch your dog run away from home all day.'

LMAO! With that and naked author calendars, the winter has obviously not worn you down. :)

Bernita said...

No point otherwise, James.

Oh it has, Bernard, but I get giddy when I'm stressed.

Robyn said...

Or a picture with words artfully placed by photoshop. Like, "I make up cool shit and get paid for it" over the torso, perhaps?

Jaye Wells said...

I might have to change my tag line from "Crypt Lit" to "Naked Author." I love the idea of the calendar. I'm picturing strategically placed laptops and books.

Bernita said...

Had to laugh, Robyn, about the calendar mentioned, a guy placed a camera strategically.
He said "thankfully, it was cold that day."

Don't change it, Jaye.It's great!

sex scenes at starbucks said...

I have cards for the magazine with my contact info. So far that's my major publicaton. :) When I sell a book, I'll make cards based on that. I think the cover is always nice, with the contact info on the back. But bookmarks and magnets and other swag I've got no use for. Now, koozies...I'd go for that. Something USEFUL.

Bernita said...

"I have cards for the magazine with my contact info."
Very professional, SS.

Charles Gramlich said...

Who gets to be the maverick author and wear clothes? Loved your last sentence about your yard.

Bernita said...

Thank you, Charles.
Sould be one, for contrast.

spyscribbler said...

Not for the pseudonym. She never meets anyone, LOL. I'm a prude in some ways, but I could do the naked author thing, as long as it was humorous.

I had writerly business cards with the tagline, "where the women wear the guns." I didn't put it on the web because men wear guns in my stuff, too, and I feared it would exclude the male demographic.

pjd said...

How would it be possible not to endorse the idea of a nude author catalog? In fact, I can already see a whole line of spinoff subgenres such as nude writers in popular writing cafes, nude authors placed in scenes taken from their books, nude NaNo write-ins (I believe I've heard of one of these already, with hot tub but sans camera)... the mind wanders. I mean boggles. The mind boggles.

Bernita said...

Doubt if it would exclude them, Natasha.
Should make them curious.
Especially if you added "and the men who love them."

"nude authors placed in scenes taken from their books"
Absolutely, PJD!
Any sub-theme like that would work!

ChristineEldin said...

The trading cards sound like a great idea!

The calendar? Hmmmm.....
;-)

Bernita said...

Chris, carrying on from PJD, nude authors in famous libraries....

Josephine Damian said...

Sebastian Junger is soooo hot! I wanna see him naked, and NO books covering anything up. :-O

Writerly biz cards as well as new mailing labels is on my summer to-do list. I'm still working on a clever catch phrase.

raine said...

LOVE the idea of the naked author calendar, lol. It isn't much different than the query process, after all! I'd be sure to buy one (notice, there was no hint of the phrase "pose for it" involved there). :D

And your lawn sounds like my acre of property. Discovered a huge branch down that had been hiding beneath the snow, the size of a small tree. Sigh...but at least it isn't snow. :-/

Bernita said...

Think it would be nicer if not shot with celebrity types, Josephine.
"working on a clever catch phrase."
Sadly, I am so not-clever when it comes to those.

Think the idea could be a total hoot, Raine, though I feel the same about "pose for it."
Yes, one of those in the back garden here, but as you say, at least it's not snow!

Vesper said...

The calendar... sure, as long as we don't have to hide solely behind our own published books. :-)

What, you can see old leaves on your lawn?! I have no idea where my lawn is...

Bernita said...

That's the front lawn, Vesper, faces south and a bit of a sun trap.
The back garden, however,...

Sam said...

Yes, naked authors, if posed, as starvingwritenow says, with artfully placed books. Preferably lots of them. Large volumes.
:-)

Bernita said...

No Birth of Venus for you, eh, Sam?

Lisa said...

"My lawn this morning under a cold rain is a grimy battlefield of tree bones and the rusty scattered armour of old leaves." -- Incredible imagery!

Naked author calendar is a stellar idea. I love the Saskachewan reference -- does that mean it's very flat there?

I have personal calling cards with just my name, personal email address and phone number. They're very pretty.

Billy said...

The last line of your post is a poem--worth the price of admission!

Bernita said...

Thank you, Lisa.
Yes, Sask. is a prairie province.
I have the standard, plain business card from consulting days. Haven't updated. Need to.

Thank you, Bill.
Looks that grim at the moment.

Anonymous said...

"that province of Canada where you can watch your dog run away from home all day" LOL! That's hilarious! I know places like that adn that flat, but they are in the desert.

I would pose for a calendar if it was for a good cause and if it were funny enough, but it might post problems for my job. The gummint doesn't take kindly to some things. Anyhow, if you want a bunch of spec fic writers to pose, it will likely be a lot of people who do not look like models. Most of us (In my experience) either look nerdy or like escapees from a Star Trek convention.

writtenwyrdd

Bernita said...

Written, I think these sorts of calendars work best when they're not cheesecake and the posers are average people.
I remember reading of one from England put together for a cancer charity that included women from the local village of all ages with handbags and pearls,gardening and such.
Sounded sweet.

Suzanne Perazzini said...

The story of that calendar made in England was turned into a movie, Calendar Girls, starring several famous actresses. The writers' calendar should definitely be along those lines - the average writer in all their natural glory.

The Anti-Wife said...

Love the calendar idea. Can we have one month be agents cavorting in their slush piles?

raine said...

And now you've had me thinking on this all morning, lol...
Yes. A row of nude writers, standing before a panel of reviewers who are holding up rating cards...

Bernita said...

Was it, Suzanne? That's delightful!

AW, the agents could have their own pin-up calendar.

Bernita said...

Raine, titled "it's all about the writing."

Shauna Roberts said...

Yes, the calendar's a cute idea. Though even with artfully placed books, I'd still want at least a couple of months of stepped-up exercise before I'd pose for one.

Bernita said...

On the other hand, Shauna, what if the settings were similar to those for famous nudes?

Shauna Roberts said...

Hmmmm. Bernita, I' probably don't have enough fat to carry that off. Although the idea of draping myself over velvet pillows while wearing pearls and rubies does sound more appealing than holding strategically placed literary works in front of me.

Bernita said...

Shauna, I don't either - but those divans and jewels and the whole odalesque bit are enticing.

Shauna Roberts said...

Bernita, it seems we share a weakness for luxury!

Ello said...

Hey I would totaly buy Lily trading cards! She would have the highest power, right?

But naked author calendars? I shudder.

Chumplet said...

It would be a great idea - posing with the Classics, strategically placed. With a lot of photoshopping to make me look thin, of course.

They did one here in York Region a couple of years ago to raise money for charity. It was all made up of lovely senior ladies.

My front lawn is littered with newspapers in pink plastic bags that the carrier threw from his car.

kmfrontain said...

I love the last line of your post. Running away from the naked topic.

Bernita said...

Our secret selves, Shauna.

Don't think I'd personally be brave enough, Ello, but the idea's a hoot.

Sandra,more useful and charming than those masses of naked bicycle riders and such.
Be so nice when we can clean up the debris an d smell something besides frigid air.

Thank you, Karen.
"Running away from the naked topic."
Snow + naked = automatic frost bite and goosebump thoughts.

moonrat said...

ooo! Bernita!! fanTASTic idea! the thing is you know at least 12 eg New Orleans authors via Charles Gramlich, right? and i bet you could find 12 authors who feel passionately about literacy...

it's Calendar Girls all over again!! let me know if you succeed in putting this together.

Bernita said...

MoonDear, you mistake me.
I don't have the skill to put such a calendar together. Just throwing out the idea in case someone does.

Demon Hunter said...

The business cards sound like a good idea.

As for the calendar, I'll just donate some money...lol. No need in everyone showing off the goods. ;*)

Bernita said...

A proposal of modesty, my Demon.

Steve Malley said...

Naked Author Calendar: you'd pick it up hoping for Donna Tartt and Barry Eisler.

You'd open it to find Barbara Cartland and Terry Pratchett!

Bernita said...

Not that sort of calendar, Steve!
Isn't Barbara Cartland dead?

Travis Erwin said...

I'm actually slated to be in an authors calender next year, with both a picture and an essay about writing, but thankfully for all I will be fully clothed.

Bernita said...

Congratulation, Trevor.
Saw that. Very nice and much more convenable .

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