Friday, June 29, 2007

Secret Passwords


A Girl Reading A Letter,
Jan Vermeer (1632-1675)
oil on canvas,
Royal Gallery, Dresden.

You thought it was all a myth, didn't you?

The covert handshake, the kabbalistic signs, the cryptic passwords?

Merely a vicious, pernicious lie promoted by those never invited to perform blood sacrifice on the misty moors at darkest midnight.

Ha!

Of course, those passwords change all the time and failure to crack the ever-changing code will mark you on the forehead as one unworthy to be considered a possible apprentice in the mysteries.

You must never try to enter the outer sanctum by whispering to the Gate Keeper: creative non-fiction.

If you should mutter Sci-Fi - instead of SF - you will be hurled forth in ignonimy as one base and dispicable.

And should you pass the Outer Portal with paranormal on your breath, you may find yourself backed against the wall by a hostile horde of vampires and were beasts before being dismissed - or devoured - as a mis-fit, half-blood deviant.

Beware too, that all Circles and Societies are not the same, variants of the secret word sex , which may allow you entrance to one Temple, may bar and bane you from the ceremonies of another.

Pass the word.

20 comments:

Ric said...

Wow! Friday and Bernita is using the secret word "SEX".
While I ponder the next set of agents to query with my fiction novel, should I change my lead from "My prose combines the best of JK Rowling and Stephen King" to "It's a classic romance with pedophiles, sodomites and a heroine with more kinks than you can imagine."

Just let me in the door - I know the password.

Bernita said...

~laughing myself silly~
Perfect, Ric!

Jaye Wells said...

I've been contemplating writing my queries in code. I call the cipher "The Da Vinci Code." Catchy huh?

BTW Thank you for the Vermeer, he's a personal favorite.

Robyn said...

So if my book does indeed take place in a city, and features a man who is both ruggedly alpha and sensitive to the heroine's needs, can I call it Urban Fantasy?

Bernita said...

More than "catchy," Jaye, it's brilliant.Alternate suggestion is "Code Red."

~dies~
Definitely, Robyn. Should be your title, actually.

M.E Ellis said...

LOL @ pass the word.

I need to bloghop more often. You make me laugh.

:o)

spyscribbler said...

Ohmigosh, so darn true! It's almost like when the PC term for an African-American kept switching, and you hesitate and feel afraid to say anything, for fear you're going to choose the wrong word.

So what's wrong with 'paranormal' now?

MissWrite said...

Sad, funny, and true.

kmfrontain said...

EEE! You're scaring me!

Heh, I have to be hyper enough about words doing editing that I don't want to be worried about the right word to use when discussing a genre.

Hilarious post, Bernita, and once again spot on. :-)

Bernita said...

Funny business, Michelle, funny business.

Seems it means vamps and weres exclusively, Natasha. For now.

We need...the MASTER WORD, Tami.

Eh, thank you, Karen.

ORION said...

Password? There's a password????
THAT'S why they keep shutting the door in my face.
Of course my personal favorite was the time another writer told me in all seriousness, "Well it's easy to do what you do - I mean it's commercial fiction --I have to rework and agonize over EVERY sentence."
Uh...
I can't remember what I said after I picked my jaw up off the floor.

Bernita said...

I'm sorry, Pat, I'm still looking for some hydraulics to hoist mine...

Jon M said...

Oh Yes, Yes, Yes! How many times have I spoken to agents or publishers and they've asked 'What kind of novel is it?' Am I allowed to say 'an exciting one?'
Speaking of secret societies, my ceilidh band once played in an ancient Masonic Hall and we were left in a room full of paraphenalia, swords and kneeling stools and funny cloaks...we had such fun...

Bernita said...

Hee, Jon!
In my office I have a couple of shields and a pair of those bonk-bonk thingies from a similar group. The so-called "secrecy" is a self-deluding myth.

Jon M said...

you realise that we'll probably be chased across the globe by an albino monk in scratchy underwear for such ribald flipancy!

Bernita said...

Yes - lese-majeste!
Also, a zombie.

Charles Gramlich said...

LOL. How about Trekker versus Trekkie? Or is there a new term for that as well.

Bernita said...

Could be, Charles - when the fic hits the fan...

Seeley deBorn said...

Some people take themselves much too seriously.

Bernita said...

So true, Seeley.