Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Screaming Meme-ies


My littlest, not my youngest, as a cadet.



Robyn and Missie of Snarkling Clean, who are otherwise dear and lovely ladies, tagged me for a Real Mom Truths post and demanded I present pictures.

Perhaps because I am President and CEO of MommyCorp, now a Limited Liability Company.

The last one is married, you see.

Reduces the parent company's responsibility considerably.

Of course, one still gets those phone calls from the independent subsiduaries: "Mum, what temperature do I cook blank at?"

But it is very nice to be able to go to the bathroom and not have to leave the door open.

And to turn off Condition Yellow while asleep.

Real Mom Truths?

You can go for years on four and one half hours sleep.

You learn to complete any given task in seven and one half minutes between interruptions.

You learn to feed six people on one pound of hamburger - and it will become soul food and a family favourite.

Always remember you are running a benevolent dictatorship, not a democracy. But you must make it plain that this is temporary and they must learn to think for themselves.

Screaming is easier on the hands than the mildest detergent.


But I will undoubedly offend many people with the following:

Blaming your kids for your loss of figure is a cop-out.


Mom is solace, comfort, security. When things go wrong, she is sanctuary.


27 comments:

Jaye Wells said...

To misquote someone famous: I have miles to go before I sleep without the yellow alert. But I'm in no rush, I'm already in mourning for his babyhood.

Thanks for sharing this, Bernita. It was funny and poignant.

Bernita said...

Thank you, Jaye.One of my favourite Frost poems - and truly applicable. We have promises to keep.

Sam said...

As a mother of three, (including twins) I agree with you, especially about the seven and an half minutes, lol.
But having had two emergency cesearians, my stomach will never be the same shape. *sigh*
So I have to say that having kids altered the landscape, but I can't actually say I lost my figure. Let's just say that I found a new one.
:-)

Bonnie Calhoun said...

Whew! I'm glad you didn't pass on the meme!

Those were cool thoughts...i once read something similar from Erma Bombeck!

Actually...after the kids were grown and gone the time began when I DIDN'T have to shut the bathroom door whne I went...LOL!

Seeley deBorn said...

I will always remember Hamburger Helper Soup.

Bernita said...

I forgot to mention the six loads of laundry, minimum, per day, Sam.

With four, Bonnie, I found it paid to be able to hear what they were up to at all times.

Seeley, I made a certain dish they called "macaroni" because of the pasta and tomatoes in it - more of a goulash really.
They never tired of it, fortunately.

Gabriele C. said...

I admire those who take upon them the job of raising kids. It's one of the most difficult.

I must lack that gene completely; I never wanted any, and by now people even believe me. :)

Bernita said...

I think one should want them,ferverently, not for social reasons or tradition,for themselves, as new beings.
I never cared for this guilt thing- you must produce off-spring pressure. People should respect other people's personal choice. It's private business and no one else's. My children never hear the "you must give me grandchildren" complaint from me.

raine said...

Going straight to Hell, I suppose, for not being fruitful and multiplying.
But then, there would've been no Auntie Raine, who was always good for an adventure and a strange fairy tale or two, lol.

I'm glad you accepted the tag. Well done. ;)

Bernita said...

Going straight to Hell, I suppose, for not being fruitful and multiplying
~snort~
I have no use for that think.
I had bachelor uncles and aunts, and married ones without children.Don't think anyone thought less of them for that. Maybe a little envy at times.
If you knew some of my cousins, you'd understand the envy.

spyscribbler said...

I've been wrestling with the children bit, myself. At the moment, it's not a choice, unfortunately. What can you do? My heart's aching for them but my brain is telling me it'll be easier if I just convince myself I don't want them. My heart's not buying a bit of it. *sigh*

Okay, now will you please reveal the secret as to how one manages this: "You can go for years on four and one half hours sleep."

Sela Carsen said...

Wonder if I can blame them for the loss of a few crucial brain cells -- such as the ones that USED to allow me to remember names.

Bernita said...

Perhaps I should have added "per night," Natasha?

No, you can't, Sela.
Not lost - overwritten.
It's just because you have so much more to remember now, and that data is low on the retrieval list.

writtenwyrdd said...

Lovely thoughts, bernita! I've never been a mom (and the unborn kids thank me for the chance at a better mom unit) but my very own mom, who just moved in with me, is a veritable gem. She states her secret of motherhood is to do exactly the opposite of what her parents would have done, lol.

Robyn said...

Thank you, dear.

My own mom passed on our favorite comfort food to my kids- buttered cheesy noodles. We certainly never knew that egg noodles with butter and parmesan cheese was a cheap filler! We loved it!

Rebecca said...

A benevolent dictatorship! - that's exactly what we call it at my place - from what I've seen democratic or "overly permissive" parenting leads to worn out, miserable parents and unpleasant children.

Lotsa love, lotsa interest - but when it comes down to it - I am the boss!


Bec

Oh - and please can I blame the 'wrinkled' skin on my belly on 3 caesareans and overterm twins?

spyscribbler said...

LOLOL ... I assumed per night. Still, how does one survive on four and a half hours per night? I would love to do that!

Bernita said...

Sometimes, that's a wise course, Written.
Cherish and enjoy your treasure.Glad you're back safe and secure.

Made with love, Robyn.
Yummiest stuff in the whole world.

Bec, that sounds like a case of one size does NOT fit all!

Bernita said...

You just do it, Natasha.
No secret.

Anonymous said...

Life got easier once I learned it really was okay to train hard beady eyes on darling nagging children and say No. It's amazing how quickly kids learn that negotiation is not an option - and how much nicer everyone feels with certainty. Too many parents are afraid (or too lazy) to exert their authority.

It wasn't until we had kids that I understood the parental imperative to prowl the house at night and check out strange noises.

Asa

Jeff said...

Moms are the most under appreciated people in the world. My mother passed away a little over a year and a half ago. I miss her very much and think about her all the time.
Very good post, Bernita.

Donnetta Lee said...

Hi, Bernita! I had almost no sleep for 2 years. Little guy had allergies that went unidentified through visits to more than one doctor. Finally, slept. Little guy is now 6 feet 2 inches tall. Called me on Easter Sunday. I miss the Easter egg coloring. Miss the Easter Bunny notes. Miss going to mass with special clothes. Miss saying, "Behave yourself." Only one child. And love him so much.
Donnetta

Bernita said...

One mistake, Asa, is giving a child a faux choice. Why ask a two-year old if he wants to go to bed when he doesn't really have a choice? Which he promply finds out when he's dragged off, kicking and screaming - not because he's contrary necessarily, but because he was lied to, by his parent.

Thank you, Jeff. You always will miss her, but the loss becomes gentle after a while.

Yes, Donnetta, I know. The little one above had allergies too. But while you miss their child-wonder at new things and old rituals, you have your own wonder, pleasure, and pride at the adults they have become.

M.E Ellis said...

Blaming your kids for your loss of figure is a cop-out.

Agree. Eldest, after having Grandson, now weighs less than before she got pregnant. She's eating properly, three times a day. Worked for her, didn't work for me. My excuse, I sit on my arse all day. Exercise is the key!

And I've lost the whole damn bunch ROFL.

:o)

Bernita said...

Lovely, Michelle. I never had a problem either.
There's another Mom Truth I forgot...Kids are the best excuse if you don't want to go somewhere and be bored out of your skull...you say, regretfully, that one is running a temperature and you don't think...

Ballpoint Wren said...

Screaming is easier on the hands than the mildest detergent.

Bwa ha!

I agree about the faux choice. I also dislike asking a kid if that's okay? As in, "Time for bed, okay?" It's another faux choice, as if the child thinks it's not okay that you won't put him in bed anyway.

When it's time for bed, that's the end of it!

Bernita said...

Yep, Bonnie!
They are too young for parliment.