Tuesday, January 09, 2007


Lithograph is from the REPORT of the COMMISSIONER OF AGRICULTURE for THE YEAR 1862.
Washington:Government Printing Office.
(27th Congress, 3rd Session, Ex.Doc.No.78)
Another of my quaint old books. Have no idea where I acquired it.
Thought the creature's name was priceless.

My apologies.
This is not a cow.
It is an ox. It is a male ox.
But I thought I'd milk it anyway.

Because, Dear Readers, the writer is a cow.
The book is cud-fodder.
Chewed, masticated, regurgitated.
Consider it's progress.
Through four stomachs: the self-edits, the critique circle, the agent, the editor.
Takes pounds and pounds of feed and forage to produce a product - and the industry prefers cream.
Instead, what we often produce after this process is?
And that's the beef.
Now you know.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the chuckle.

Bernita said...

Might as well laugh as cry, Steve.

writtenwyrdd said...

The farmers out here spread the manure on the hay fields. Thus, the cycle feeds itself, a methane-producing ouroborous, I guess you could say.

I'll stop before I butcher your metaphor completely.

Bernita said...

No, no, Written!
You've extended it beautifully!

Anonymous said...

LOL - very apt. Moo.
What was the creatures name?
I once bought an old litho with a horse on it, and the horse's name was "Pot-O O O O O O O O".
I had to find out what it meant. I did a little digging, and found out that a man told his groom to go register his horse.
"Wot's 'is name?" (asked the groom)
"Potatoes," said the man.

Sam (still anon. - still not signing in!)

Bernita said...

The ox was named "Constitution"!

Jaye Wells said...

"Because, Dear Readers, the writer is a cow."

Great, so now in addition to being unpublished, I'm also fat and gassy. Nice.

anna said...

way too funny!

writtenwyrdd said...

Hey, if the moo (or moo-moo) fits... Cuz I am fat and gassy.

writtenwyrdd said...

Oh wait, Bernita, they named the ox Constitution? One has to wonder, was it because he had the constitution of an ox? (groan)

Bernita said...

And we cover the plains as far as the eye can see, Jaye...

Thank you, Anna.

I prefer to think that was the basis of the name, Written.
He weighed 3857 lbs. at five years and was bred by John Sanderson of Bernardston, Mass.

Bonnie Calhoun said...

It is simply amazing, that a brown cow, can eat green grass and produce whilte milk!!!

Where's the beef...LOL...where's the cashews??? (I'm not nuts..LOL, bernita understands!)

Rick said...

Well, there were quite a few cow patties on display at the last Crapometer.

Bernita said...

Bonnie...I ate 'em.

And a fair anmount of 2% milk, Rick.

Zinnia said...

Beef is good. ;-)

Anonymous said...

You reminded me of my favorite kids' poem:

I never saw a purple cow
I hope I never see one,
But I can tell you this right now:
I'd rather see than be one.

Ogden Nash, I believe

spyscribbler said...

Yes! Ogden Nash! I think he wrote that for Carnival of the Animals. (I only know that because I recognize the poem, and, sadly, it's the only Ogden Nash I know!)

Bernita, where do you come up with this stuff??? I hope you never stop blogging!

Dave said...

I remember a trip to Broadway in NYC (the only city of any consequence on the east coast of the USA)

Carol Channing was appearing in Hello Dolly. She had big lips, painted scarlet red well over the lip line and as she discussed life with Horace, she kissed a cash register.

"Money is like manure, Horace. That's why my late husband used to say. Money is like manure. You have to spread it around and help a lot of little things grow into lots of big things."

I was sixteen at the time and that was a lesson that never left me.

I like your cow, Bernita.

Jeff said...

"It is an ox. It is a male ox.
But I thought I'd milk it anyway."

LOL This is fabulous, Bernita!

Bernita said...

There's beef and there's beefing, Zinnia.

Nash is a delight, Anon.
If you hear a panther, Don't anther is either his or in his style.

Perhaps, Spy, like Miss Marple, I have a mind like a sink...

Your post just made me have one, Dave.

Hee, Jeff!