Saturday, November 04, 2006

The Writing on the Envelope

Yep. That's another Pre-Raphaelite painting: Miranda, the Tempest by John William Waterhouse.
When I first described my post-Luddite self as a Miranda it was because I expected to be educated and surprised during my blogging adventure, some where along the lines of: O brave new world - that has such people in it!
My eyes are certainly larger than when I began, though I no longer have to block and tackle my lower jaw back to its proper position as often.
I assimilated without difficulty an understanding of "As you know, Bob" - that short form no-no of sneaky backstory insertion into dialogue.
While reading the "Getting Wild" pushing-the-envelope section of A Complete Idiot's Guide to Writing Erotic Romance, however, I encountered another "Bob" - battery-operated boyfriend.
Clunk. More bruises on my chin.
Please understand that regarding sex I am prissy only about myself. I don't condemn what other people do - with the usual exceptions such as children. Not my business to crawl into their bedrooms and tsk-tsk. I don't twitch my pristine skirts away in disdain nor do I press the back of my hand to my pale forehead in virtuous shock.
You might say I'm ignorant but reasonably open-minded. It's just that I don't understand somethings. And I certainly didn't realize how prevalent these... tools... evidently are.
Maybe I married too young. Maybe I need to gossip more.
Getting screwed by a machine just doesn't strike me as sexy, yet the whole auto-eroticism bit apparently is for many readers. I suppose it's because, as they say, sex is mostly in the mind.
One's education never ends.
What have you come across in research or blogland that made you go hmmm?


Jaye Wells said...

Interesting topic today, Bernita. But, um...I'll leave it to later posters to defend the use and popularity of BOBs.

Bernita said...

Not my intention, Jaye.
Think I better amend my post.

kathie said...

Hey Bernita...funny post. I am similar in that I'm prissy about stuff for myself, but hearing about funny sex antics makes me howl. It's as though I'm a prude, but only in one context--my own life! Maybe it's just that zone of motherly fog I'm kids are still five and under. Well, here's hoping, huh?

Erik Ivan James said...

" is mostly in the mind."

My mind must be more of a dullard's than I had thought. Experiences of the real thing, with a good woman, have always been much better than the fantasy experiences just imagined.

Bernita said...

That's it exactly, Kathy!
My kids are more than five, however...

" a good woman..."
What about the "bad" ones?
Sorry, Erik, couldn't resist.

S. W. Vaughn said...

I agree about Bobs, Bernita. Seems rather boring. But to each her (or his) own! :-)

Nearly everything makes me go hmmmm. LOL I think the blog called "A Gent's Outlook" has been the most shocking to me, as a writer, because I just don't know why this fellow is an agent since he despises writers -- yet he insists that he "loves his job."

Actually, it makes me go, WTF? And, if I did have an agent, it wouldn't be this guy. :-)

Dave said...

I am a firm believer that everyone needs a good, robust, no holds barred romp about once a year (medically and physically safe, of course) just to get all that sexual tension released and done with.
Daily cuddling and snuggling is nice but a wild night of unbridled fun does everyone good. It relaxes and renews. So if it involved a tip-toeing prance around the house naked and a small scream fest (my nearest neighbor is 500 feet away) then so be it. The next morning you can giggle at yourself and your partner over waffles, syrup, eggs and coffee.

Bernita said...

I'm not convinced he IS an agent, Sonya, he sounds very like a troll. If he is, he's of the Bauer "Bob" kind.

That's what is called a "dirty weekend" in my town, Dave.Not a good idea to fry the breakfast bacon naked though...
I'm naive enough to think that sex involves another person, not a blow-up doll or the energizer bunny.

Carla said...

I used to work with someone who had a book called "Sex With Your Hamster" displayed on his office shelf. Yes, the mind boggles. At the Group Sex cartoon particularly.

Erik Ivan James said...

"What about the 'bad' ones?"

Don't know the answer to that question, Bernita. Nine out of ten have been great, and the tenth one well worth the effort. ;}

EA Monroe said...

"Step into the Orgasmatron."

I remember my jaw dropping and a lot of jaws smacking the floor when the movie "Barbarella" (Jane Fonda) hit the big screen. The evil doctor played his erotic torture device with a keyboard, and instead of Barb's death by orgasm, the machine exploded.

oh, ooh, ahh...

Gabriele C. said...

Lol, when it comes to sex I've stopped to wonder about anything after I read a few Bravo magazines at school - and that one is officially a Youth magazine.

Bernita said...

Indeed, Carla!

Nice evade, Erik.

I've led a sheltered life, EA...

Bernita said...

Have the feeling the content was a little different from the ones available to me, Gabriele!

EA Monroe said...

I lived the sheltered, small town life, too, Bernita, and I was a lot more naive than most of my friends were. I still am. Doesn't take much to make my jaw drop -- usually a jaunt over to Erik's Gazebo.;D

Robyn said...

Barbarella- HEE! I remember that being on at the drive-in when we were kids. The parents thought we were engrossed in Peter Pan until they realized we had turned around and were watching the orgasmatron on the opposite screen.

I guess if I just wanted to read about the One With The Cosmos moment, no matter how he or she got there, a bob scene would serve. But I read for relationships, and a heroine getting busy with herself for a few pages sounds BORING.

kmfrontain said...

I'll never look at the name Bob the same again.

Doing research on sexual practices has opened my eyes. I'm glad I started writing erotica, because really, knowing all this other stuff now has been a real bonus personally. "Bobs" aside, there are things we could learn from just researching, if not reading erotica.

spyscribbler said...

Funny, kmfrotrain! True, too!

I'm shy and a prude in real life, but on the page and in the bedroom, I try to have a bit of fun. And when that doesn't work out quite as well as I want it to, Bob helps out.


Bernita said...

I've learned a lot there, EA!

Yep, Robyn, I want to read about the real stuff.

Ms. Kent mentions that, Karen, that one of the reasons for the popularity of erotica education.

My spy, what was her name again? Oh yes, Lorena Bobbit !

December Quinn said...

Two things I find truly disturbing:

"Furries" and felching.

Google them if you like. I haven't the heart to explain.

As for BOBs...I've written a scene that included one, so I guess I can't complain, but it is definitely not as good as a two-people scene.

Anonymous said...

The thing I find shocking is the cliques. It's wasn't a surprise, but if bloggers wanted to be selective, why do it in an open forum. They post, you comment, they ignore you. Perhaps it's just me. If I have to be published to be able to slip in on the conversation, I prefer not to enter.

Bernita said...

Well, I tried.
Think one of my Tech Kids set my browser to eliminate "mature content" access, December!
A guess is close enough, I suspect.

Ah yes, Steve, we-who-are-not-worthy. Have noticed that too, here and there. We apparently waste their valuable time.
Have noticed a certain cliquishness between genres too.

December Quinn said...

I've noticed that too, Steve. Makes you feel like a real idiot, doesn't it?