Saturday, May 20, 2006

Wall Banging


That's not a door you hear.
I read books in batches.
Especially romances. Maybe half a dozen at a go.
My artless eye notices certain trends that way.
One set made me immediately think of a pre-inflation dirty ditty I learned long ago.
Fifteen cents against the fence...
Yup. In every last lubricious one of them, they never even made it to the rug the first time, he took her up against the wall.
A front hall, a shop doorway, a porch, once while he was trying to get the key in the lock of his beach house. Literally.
Holy godfathers, Batman.
From a past post, you know what I think about boinking in the bubble bath.
No one has yet explained who cleans up all the water.
Then there was a set where shower sex was central.
More wall banging.
I wondered alternatively, if this was mildly Freudian - a choice to indicate that consensual sex is clean, or, on the other hand, a touch kinky - because a convenient bed is always available a few feet away.
All heroes have velcro feet, I assume.
Then there was the set where every hero laves her breasts and nipples. Every single writer seemed attached, limpet-like to that particular word.
Ooh, lookee, a new verb. Let's all use it.
In the last bunch, kitchen counters were the liberated setting for hot sex.
Bare-assed, not bare-footed. Every one of them.
So far, no one has accidentally turned on the stove burners.
I get verticle vertigo just wondering about hazards like that.
And crumbs, I hope someone cleaned the counters.
Don't think I'm hide-bound regarding boudoirs.
My Damie and John get down and dirty, hot and horny, on a rug, along a wooded path, as well as bed, and there's that almost-incident at the airport.
I just wonder about this suggestion of some sort of universal lemming mind at work here and what is the next preferred location for swinging from the chandeliers.
Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned that.
If this keeps up, bed will eventually become the new, original setting for hot, heavy, mind-blowing sex.
Just to be different.

Do tell me, where do you place your action? Anywhere esoteric or unusual?
The genre needs some hints.

35 comments:

Dennie McDonald said...

a bed, a bed - I will have to try and write a bed scene - that's a new one! seriously, I usually have 3-4 sex scenes per book and maybe half are actually in the bed... but then again, I like spontanaity!

Bernita said...

Having had my ass grabbed in kitchens before, Dennie, I don't so much complain about the site, just the fact that every single one seemed to have the same idea.

Ric said...

Starting the weekend off on a positive note?

I seem to recall the mile-high club showing up in lots of books for awhile. And BJ while driving (like cellphones aren't distracting enough)

Do see your point though, is this something we do unconsciously?

There are a spate of books using Cellphones as the primary prop and/or evil. Perhaps because everyone has one.

Would that work the same for sex?

Bernita said...

Just for you, Ric.
There are trends, not intentionally copycatting, but I have me suspicions at times.
Just the same, now that you mention it, I was planning to use a cell phone to explain how John and Damie are followed in a later adventure.

Erik Ivan James said...

"Having had my ass grabbed in kitchens...."

Dear Gal! I trust it didn't cause you to waste a perfectly wonderful lobster sandwich by dropping it to the floor?

Bernita said...

Depending on the Grabber, Erik, it made me either reach for a butcher knife - or suggest a more comfortable venue.

Rick said...

Down the road, when Catherine is married, she and her husband once do the dynastic deed on the Council table - to the amusement/embarrassment of all concerned, when some Privy Councilors show up and are privy to more than they expected.

archer said...

Lave was a very hot verb in science fiction in the late fifties. I remember one character who started getting "gently laved" in a computer-controlled bath, but the villains had reprogrammed the computer, so instead of getting laved the guy got steamed alive and turned into a robot.

Bernita said...

Rick that sounds rather sweet - and highly comic.

Perhaps it was just me, Archer, but I didn't find the repetition of the word ( robotized, in book after book) particularly lascivious.
More of an excess of spit, like your laboratory tankful.

Bonnie Calhoun said...

I...er...*blush*...I don't write...uh, am not allowed...*sigh*

Hi All! I'll just sit here and drink my mocha cappichino and watch!

Bernita said...

Don't weasel, Bonnie, tell us about some exotic ones you've READ.

Carla said...

Um, yes, 'lave' has the same total lack of effect on me. Possibly because I can never stop associating it with the same root as 'lavatory'.

In answer to your question, I think all the encounters take place in bed. I'm either very unimaginative or depressingly avant garde.

Agree that the scene Rick mentions sounds rather charming.

Gabriele C. said...

Well, it's nothing new if I mention the (in)famous Roman baths again. :)

Else, my characters are conservative in the choice of locations, it's beds and the Gothic wagons.

kmfrontain said...

Beds, woods, tents, on horseback, and on the spiral stairs of a castle tower. Trying to think if I have any to add. I'd say I have a third occur in a bed, followed by places out of doors, and then miscellaneous convenient -- or inconvenient, if my characters are desperate -- locations. Living rooms are nice in that they have chairs.

Bernita said...

Horseback, KM?
You may start a new trend.

You historical writers have the edge on surroundings, Gabriele.

Exactly, Carla.
Different security dynamics may apply to historical scenes too.

Jane N. said...

This blog entry got me thinking about trends in writing...

In addition to authors having sex in non-bed locations - loved the crumbs on the counter comment (My personal fear is going prone atop a breadboard post garlic chopping.) - I predict we will see a new trend with characters having sex in front of their pets. It will only take one book and the lemmings will follow en masse.

Sometimes it seems that the sex is only about how outrageous can you make it, instead of building sensuality.

Well...those are my thoughts for the day. Your blog is tremendous!

Ballpoint Wren said...

I'm with Bonnie C. I don't think I can actually write those scenes because when I try, I always bust out laughing.

I like to read 'em, though, as long as the relationship is believable.

And now I'm off to contemplate the logistics of boinking in the bathtub.

Bernita said...

Thank you, Jane and thank you for posting.

Not sure if the cause in standard romance is simply the desire to be outrageous. More likely just writers desperate to produce and introduce elements they think are unique and "fresh" to distinguish themselves from hoards of other writers.Then the innovation is quickly oversold.
But yes, outrageous is certainly around.

Bernita said...

Don't bruise your elbows, Bonnie.
I can't help thinking of the hazards. Very distracting.

kmfrontain said...

Horseback, recommended only for those with superb horsemanship, strong musculature and no fear of accidentally bending his -bleep- through misfortunate bad-timing between partner, personal motion, and the horse's gait, if the animal happens to be moving.

And let's not forget the problematic pommel. Oh, the woes of the pommel. I don't think I'll be starting a trend, though I have seen it in writing before, and never is the pommel mentioned. Odd, that.

Nothing nearly so easy as the logistics of boinking in a tub? Right, Ballpoint Wren? ::grin::

Bernita said...

Can't recall an incident myself.
Having seen a few pictures of medieval saddles, I immediately discarded the idea.
I believe though there are saddle types where it would be possible without too much..um...contortion,but the type would have to be made clear.

kmfrontain said...

Most defintely, or at least the contortions and positions should allow for its presence. Nuff said. :D

Candice Gilmer said...

Let's see, where is sex in my stuff? Um, on a bar... that's about as far out as I get so far in any of my books, but I do have the thought of some good monkey lovin on the boss's desk.... though that scene hasn't happened, so I don't know.

Otherwise, though, I'm pretty confined to beds. Now, sometimes there's props involved in the bed....

Dennie McDonald said...

I will say - as with the dismemberment of certain family members - writing sex scenes affords me liberation that I wouldn't normal afford myself!

but lest we forget I have four kids limitations are limiting unless in fiction - make sense?

Sela Carsen said...

I'm boring. I like beds. I don't like hard floors and/or carpet burn. My characters are often similarly practical.

Bernita said...

Props?
Candice, I'm shocked!

Let's just say Dennie has a wild mind and leave it at that.

For The Trees said...

Um, sidesaddle and a ladder come to mind, although without the horse moving...another wonderful place for them to try is in the passenger seat of a convertible zooming down the highway, with him on the bottom doing the steering with one hand and the accelerator with one foot. Um, a bit dangerous, but hey! It's fiction!

So far the most exotic I've gotten my characters is in a pickup truck out in the wilds of Southeast Arizona. Otherwise they're all comfort and pleasure driven, which means bed.

And I wouldn't comment on Dennie's preferences for love nor money!

December Quinn said...

Hmmm...lessee...a bed, an ice fishing shack, a bed, a bathtub, a bed, a chair, a stone table, a bed, a couch, a meadow, on the floor, on a balcony overlooking a ball (the dancing kind, not...you know), a bed, a bed, a bed. I like beds.

Bonnie Calhoun said...

Read...you want to know what I've read! Uh...I read action/ adventure...mostly christian....sorry...no boinking there!

The last thing I read with a sex scene was probably 25 years ago...they wrote with quill pens back then, and were nowhere near as graphic as they are now!

Bernita said...

An ice fishing shack, December? That's dangerous heat!
I'm with you. Beds.Mostly.

Think the location should depend partly on the character. Some personalities just wouldn't think of getting it on in places where they might be...er...interrupted. Other impetuous types might not care.
I know there's the urge to underline the overwhelming, flaming passion of it all in romances, but the action should be consistent with the character.

I should have put up a blindfold warning for you, Bonnie.

Elizabeth said...

Too funny! I've noticed the same trend. It really puzzles me, too. What's so great about sex on a wall? I mean really, how long can that last? Whatever happened to rolling around on a nice warm comfy bed on a lazy afternoon? Heck, throw in some satin sheets if you need to liven things up.

Bernita said...

Seems in our hurry-up world - or in the search for the new and different - some are in danger of sacrificing sensuality for speed a la speedo, Elizabeth.

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