Friday, March 03, 2006

Colder Than A Witch's Tit


Don't know why Ric always accuses me of provocation.
January weather here right now - in March.
Bugger.
I want to go out of the house without wearing 45 pounds of arctic fleece.
I want tulips and new leaves unfolding and sweet birdsong.
Let's warm things up a few degrees.
Not boiling or anything - just a little anticipatory heat.

She's leaving on a jet plane,
Doesn't know if she'll be back again:

"John?" Her voice was tentative, soft.

It
was the "John" that did it.

He set down her hand luggage carefully and reached for her. He found that soft mouth and plunged into it. Heat. Desire. Need. Her body molded to his like hot wax, her hips seemed to melt and flow to accommodate him.

John
found he had swung her around against the wall and he had a hand cupping that lovely ass, pressing her body tight against his crotch as he moved rhythmically against her.

And she was letting him. She arched against him, her hands pressing his back, her breasts crushed tight. She made little, catchy sounds against his mouth. He thought he was going to explode.

A cough and a "carry on," brought him to his senses.

Bloody hell, he thought, shaken, in another minute I'd have had her down on the floor ripping her clothes off. I'd have taken her right here. Bloody, bloody hell, I'd have taken her standing up.

He leaned his forehead against the cool of the wall and reluctantly transferred his hand from those round warm hips, and worked to control his body and his breathing. His hands moved restlessly up and down her
back. God, he wanted to touch and feel her all over.

This had been building. He just thought he could control it. Bloody hell, he'd always been able to control himself. Damie, Damie, don't move like that.

Think cold, he told himself. Cold. Cold. Cold. Thank God he was wearing a raincoat, or everyone would see him walking around like a phallic statue, stiff as a stone god.


Think cold. Cold.

Barnswell argue: venereal disease; about 1670-1850.
Barrack-hack: a woman attending garrison balls year after year; from about 1860; obs.(2) a soldier's trull; from about 1850, colloquial; one of a long list synonyms for prostitute.
Basket-making: sexual intercourse; mid 18th - early 19th c.
Basket of oranges: a pretty woman; late 19th - early 20th c.; from Australian miner's colloquialism, ie. gold nuggets.

52 comments:

Tsavo Leone said...

*blushes*

Why Bernita, what has come over you? Have you been sneaking into Savannah's secret stash?

Suffice to say that I'm sat here with a chessy grin plastered all over my boat race - I can so relate to John's predicament, and the way in which it's written has me thinking "yep, been there, know that one all too well." Which is to say, bravo. You've captured the moment beautifully.

ivan said...

Oh stop it. It's the semi-annual event of my erection.

Bernita said...

Tsavo, thank you.
Just. Thank you.
D'ya know this is the first (semi)sex scene I've ever written?
I was afraid.

Not touching that, Ivan.

ivan said...

With a ten-foot Pole? (Actually, Ukrainian).
"I am big Ukrainian Pole Vaulter."
Yeah, yeah. Poles apart.

Tsavo Leone said...

So, would it be fare to say that you've just popped your cherry in public?

Sorry, couldn't resist that one. I could make reference to you "rising to the challenge" but I suspect that might be taking things too far.

I've always thought that being afraid (in the sense of "will it work, won't it work") is a good thing. They say that a musician or actor who isn't nervous before going on stage simply shouldn't be there. Fear is under-rated in my opinion.

Yes, I think you definitely pulled it off...

(Okay, I'll leave quietly - who knows what Bonnie will make of all of this...)

Tsavo Leone said...

Ivan: behave, or I shall be forced to tell a naughty joke...

Bernita said...

That is the most disgusting phrase, Tsavo.

Now, the question is, does it work for the female reader?

ivan said...

Tsavo,
Yeah.
Polish scientists are going to land on the sun.Clever devils.
They are going in at night.

Ric said...

I note the ladies have not shown up yet this morning. But for us early risers, this is great.

Anytime you can put 'plunged' in the first sentence of a sex scene (and so innocently, too), you've got my attention.

nicely done, Bernita, creating tension, Lots of Tension.

I love the "THINK COLD". Allusions to the cold shower theory. Loss of control, John?

Nicely done - maybe you should forget about falchons and time travel and just write sex.

15 degrees here - thanks for warming it up.

Erik Ivan James said...

Yesterday, we received 22 inches of snow. This morning, it is three degrees.

And now, I have to run off to a meeting. Where the hell is that damned raincoat?

Bernita said...

You guys are clever.
"early risers" - so innocently yourself - smirk.

Scene occurs very near the end of the book - as a hook.
I am ...er, gratified by the male reaction, as one of the main complaints about romance is that it often doesn't do the male perspective right.
I appreciate this. Much. Thank you, Ric.

Bernita said...

Erik!!!
Down, boy.

Dennie McDonald said...

I liked it but got confused at one part - was she facing him or away 'cause at one point you say her ass is next to his crotch but then later say her hands are pressing his back which would be uncomfortable faced away like that (If she is faced away, up against the wall like that her face would be smashed into it - not fun - I'm guessing!)

Dennie McDonald said...

but I might add - it was well written! good job!

Rick said...

Now, the question is, does it work for the female reader?

Sorry, can't help you with that one. The gender distribution of replies is amusing, though. (Though I see Dennie replied before I got mine up. As it were.)

Bernita said...

Well, Dennie, he could hardly kiss her from behind.
Guess I assumed men think of the whole shebang as "ass" which he is pressing, with his hand.

Bernita said...

~chortle~
Dontcha just love the English language?
Well done, Rick!
That was neat.

And thank you, Dennie.

Dennie McDonald said...

I guess as a romance writer, I use (and read) very specific, uh, terms for what is what and how and where it is pressed. When I heard ass I thought of her behind pressed against him.

Rick, {Snort} yeah I had to wait 'til all the kiddos were gone before I could comment

Bernita said...

But I don't like the word "pussy."

Dennie McDonald said...

oh how my mind can go......

Bernita said...

?????

Savannah Jordan said...

WoooHoooo! Love it, Bernita, loveit!!

Tsavo's reactions are right, even I'm blushing.

Bernita said...

Aw, c'mon, Savannah, it's not THAT hot.
But I'm really pleased you seem to think it passes muster.

Savannah Jordan said...

Passes muster? Calls to arms!! (I just started another vignette for that alluded to 'secret stash' this morning, so I am in the hot and erotic mode today.)

I like guys' POV. I love the variance in their sensations, their thoughts. The shorter sentences. And I like the tempo at which you wrote it. Yeah, Ber, it was good good.

Robyn said...

WOO-HOO!

It seems obligatory these days to show both POV in a love scene. I like it that we just see his. Great job.

Bernita said...

~gulping a little~
Thank you, Savannah, Robyn.

I like the male POV too in scenes. Think it's a turn-on.

Carla said...

Like Dennie, I got confused about which way they were facing, and for the same reason.
Perhaps the guys could confirm whether men apply 'ass' to mean everything between waist and legs? I hope not. It gives a whole (unsavoury) new meaning to some bloke yelling 'Nice ass!' at a woman in the street :-)
I agree with Bernita that 'pussy' wouldn't work at all - for one thing, it's too graphic a word and this is happening in the middle of an airport while both of them still have all their clothes on. How about something like 'his hands cupped that lovely ass, pressing her body tight against his crotch...' ? I'd have understood that (or something like it) first time through.
Also, how about some variation on 'press', as it turns up three times in three sentences?
And perhaps say that the cough and "carry on" came from a passing stranger? At first I wasn't quite clear about that and briefly wondered if it was Damie teasing him. (Yes, I can be very dim).
Other than that I thought it worked well.

Tsavo Leone said...

You see? I'm gonna keep on at you - I've a suspicion you can turn your hand to just about any style if you so chose Bernita. : )

(And I agree about the 'P' word - better left for something more graphic - there's no real sense of the erotic to that word. It's more a bedroom, 'heat of the moment' word, or a put-down/insult.)

Dennie McDonald said...

I like Carla's idea - that would work and keep it from becoming just a verbal flashing or sorts

Have a guy in my critique group that does that - often - if he were younger, and in better physical state, I can see him on a street corner in a trench coat - 'nuff said

Bernita said...

Thank you, Carla.
I've changed the post. Two objections make it a questionable construction.

I always thought someone yelling "nice ass" meant screwable and that fellows aren't just thinking of the separate parts but the whole. The compass point as well as the circumference, as it were.

I'm going to trust the reader to figure out who says "carry on" though. It's either that or risk an adjective such as "amused."

Tsavo, you've described my objections to the word perfectly.

Bernita said...

Gee, Dennie, I thought it was the older, not-in-good-shape guys that hung out on street corners and parks doing that.

Rick said...

I do have to agree with Dennie and Carla - "ass" isn't quite right here. "Piece of ass" does mean screwable, but "nice ass" specifically means the view from behind.

"Pussy" would spoil the mood; you may have to settle for plain old "crotch" here. How do you steer between terms that sound medical and terms that are so corny porny they arouse nothing but a snicker?

Truth to be told, I pity writers of erotica, because good sex is hard to write! I do try to have a little fun with the military analogies of my period. A young woman reflecting on her state of what in the 1950s was called technical virginity:

Laurent de Tremarais had raised his banner over her towers and feasted in her hall; he had not vanquished her innermost keep.

Bernita said...

I just hope no one asks me if I shrunk her.

Dennie McDonald said...

yeah - but you'd have to know this guy - he is ... damaged - mentally and physically - he lives in a world that is 85% made up and were it not for his physical limitations he'd have been out there from sun up to sun down at any age

but despite that - he actually is a nice guy and wonderful writer believe it or not but I wouldn't want to be alone with him ANYWHERE - he carries guns - makes the critique group interesting at times!

Bernita said...

We're keeping the "ass", Rick, that wasn't really the problem - and that piece you quoted is really dirty and funny.

Bernita said...

I have no problem with guns, but I have difficulty believing that someone with a tendency/potential to flash or one you wouldn't want to be alone with is "a nice guy."
He's not a nice guy, he's a creep.Talent does not excuse in my opinion.

Dennie McDonald said...

He has brain damage and it affects his ability to sensor himself and for the most part he is still like the 19-year-old he was at the time of his accident

Ric said...

Everyone helped to make it read better.
Love Rick's quote. Word Pictures - good stuff.

I also agree that ass is the view we gentlemen get from behind. I prefer...ah, never mind.

Bonnie Calhoun said...

*she peeks out between her fingers* BERNITA...Yikes!

How cold is a witches...never mind!

The further down the comment trail I read, the deeper it gets...

Change of subject...

Eric, we got 8 inches of snow...and yahoo...I took the day off!

Let me off this merry go-round, I gotta' go make a basket or a purse or something!

Gabriele C. said...

Ohh, that's very steamy.

Though I had to giggle at the end, imaging John looking like one of those Priapus statues. That's what I get for writing scenes taking place in Roman bathes. *grin*

Bernita said...

That's how he wryly imagines himself, Gabriele, so you should giggle.
Seems to me there are some Norse pantheon statues the same.Not unknown, anyway.

Stay on topic, Bonnie.

Carla said...

I was thinking of the little (ahem, not so very little in some ways) Norse statuettes of Freyr.

Sela Carsen said...

The revision is much better, Bernita! I got caught on the "ass" this morning, too, but was in a rush and couldn't comment. Great scene!!

Bernita said...

That must be the one, Carla. Couldn't think of his name off hand.

Thank you, Sela, all fixed and amended now.
Makes me think of "having one's ass handed to them."

Rick said...

The revision solves the "ass" problem just fine. (But anyone who only got here after you posted the revised version will wonder what the earlier replies are all about!)

Bernita said...

If they read the comment trail, Rick, hopefully they will understand.

Mark Pettus said...

I followed the trail, and wish I understood, but, no matter - whatever you changed, I like it.

Very nice, Bernita. This is one situation where I believe it is not a criticism to say one of your characters seemed a bit wooden.

Your first time, eh? Would it be too obvious to say you did a bloody good job?

Bernita said...

Thank you, Mark.
Had to read that twice. That bit of slang was unknown to me until a few years ago. Made a terrible faux pas until someone explained it to me.
The way it was first written it struck some as if he had hugged her from behind, not face to face. We tend to go over the mechanics in detail, you know.

E. Ann Bardawill said...

"I believe it is not a criticism to say one of your characters seemed a bit wooden."

Keep a stiff upper lip, Bernita, and don't rise to his bait.

;-)

Bernita said...

You have to expect guys to get cocky at times, Ann.
I'm inclined to be amused.

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