Monday, November 21, 2005

Exorcism

Continuing...

But he haunts me, thought Damie, traversing the corridors to her room. I suppose it's normal, this messy mixture of relief and grief, these feelings of betrayal and anger, and battles lost...

Oh, get out of that mental loop and spare me the Verlaine violins, said the little voice sharply.
It's over. You fought. The doctors fought. He's dead. You're still a reasonably young woman.
You have places to go, like here. People to meet. Things to learn.

Things to learn? She was goddamned over-educated about some things, she thought savagely. Like lonliness, like how disease and medication could change a normal loving person into a faux Alzeimer nightmare....

You're tuning the violins, again, said the little voice. Let it go.

Well, well, well, Damie thought later, while sitting on the bed brushing her hair. The ritual soothed her. I've met Daoud al Zaim, and almost at once. Maybe LaViolette was on the right track after all, with his speculation of the "guillible little widow can be conned/flattered/cajoled into sponsorship" reason for my invitation...

She dismissed it then as garbage, said more as an indirect warning to be on her guard than anything literal. She examined the idea again and dismissed it again as garbage. It was ridiculous. No organized terrorist would plan contingent on anything that chancy, that speculative, even if they held women in total contempt. If there was a reason for her invitation, other than her academic credentials, it had to lie elsewhere.

She was not, she thought, a particularly good candidate for devious exploitation as an emotional hostage; and other than her son... she couldn't imagine how... no, that was too remote... She didn't like the word hostage. She'd been one: to love and to duty...

No violins, said the little voice, with finality.

We shall see, won't we? It is a fact that al Zaim and his fat friend landed on me with almost indecent haste, shall we say. The pacemaker business didn't quite click somehow, but it wasn't her concern. Al Zaim didn't look quite the harmless bastard he appeared in that photo. He felt -- repellant. Like a black hole, he gave off nothing. Dr. Herbert Sutherland, however, was simply repellant.

8 comments:

Blog World said...
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Bonnie Calhoun said...

Wow...that one was a little unsettling...is she supposed to portray this type of character.

It's very cool that you can bring out all these different levels and types of emotion!

Bernita said...

Don't quite get what you mean, Bonnie. Type of character?

Bonnie Calhoun said...

Judging from the first couple paragraphs, she seems a little schitzo..:-) All those different feelings coming with such rapid succesion...the little voice...whew I'd put her on qualudes:-)

Bernita said...

Don't you have a little voice in the back of your mind that makes comments, Bonnie?
I do.I thought most people did.Sort of an internal discussion/dialogue. Feelings say one thing. Logic and reason say another.A mind is a busy place.

Sort of like that old cartoon of the Monk with the little angel on one side and the little devil on the other.
She's trying to deal with a sudden rush of memories about her husband's illness and death when Miss Cheltingham's comment made her recognize again that she was alone and far from what was familiar.Her little voice is telling her not to wallow.
If she comes off as slightly screwy, I'll have to re-work the passage.

Bonnie Calhoun said...

Yea, I have one of those little voices, It told me to say, "God Bless you," to a man that I want to....oh never mind:-)

Yes, I know the voice feeling, I just thought the 'river' of feelings were too rapid to be actually portrayed as logical. Maybe slow down their progression some.

I don't know...does somebody else have an opinion....maybe my brain is just fried today?

Bernita said...

Him?
I had the urge to rip out his throat with my bare teeth.That sort of thing makes me seethe. Don't know how many posts I started and discarded to the ~ insert Dennis Leary lyrics here~but you handled it well, Bonnie.

Bonnie Calhoun said...

Thank you....actually I'm ROFLMAO...the comment..."god is dead" I LOL'ed. Boy he really showed me didn't he....tehetehe!!

I couldn't believe someone could be so....anal! ROFLMAO!!!!